Gym Profiles

So I've been hitting the gym more frequently and I can't help but notice the emerging profiles of those I work out alongside

1. Profile numero uno... "The under dressed workout lady." You can easily spot this lady as she is the only one sporting spandex shorts causing you to reference everyone's favorite one toed, water storing, horselike, desert dwelling animal. She has a fabulous matching hot pink sports bra that seems to offer very little top shelf support and accentuates every love handle. I know this sounds incredibly unnatractively catty.... However, just because that outfit looks like a good idea on the model in Self magazine, doesn't mean the vision will translate well.
2. "Martini Shaped work out man" This man's upperbody is hugely inflated yet he's completely scrawny from the waste down. He seems to form the letter "Y" while standing. Sometimes I feel bad for his little legs that are forced to hide in three layers of socks and schmedium (smallmedium) sweat pants.
3. "Overly Competitive Treadmill Runner" Ok I have to admit it... sometimes I fall in this category. I like to have imaginary races with the people next to me. If we're on the same pace.... I always have to up the mph.
4. "Unnecessarily Naked Locker Room Dweller"- This person bugs me. They exit the shower, drape the towel over their shoulder and parade around the locker room in full nudist glory. This causes the rest of the weekend warriors sharing that space to have to awkwardly divert their eyes and think "happy thoughts" until they can make a swift get away. Please utilize the towel. It's a good thing.
5. "Miss Cute Guys Hang Out at the Gym" This chick is easily spotted. She's usually wearing a non workout tennis shoe like Keds with a platform sole, Juicy Sweatpants a tank top that's bedazzled with the word SPOILED, and her hand perfectly primped hanging loose around her shoulders. She'll awkwardly transition from the water fountain to the treadmill- she's careful not to break a sweat - back to a weight machine. All the while her eyes are constantly darting looking for Mr. Muscles.